What NOT to Say to a Super Huge Pregnant Woman

Here's the short list:

"Are you having twins?"
"How long ago were you due?"
"Are you having twins?"
"I've never seen anyone as big as you!"
"Are you having twins?"

To be clear, I am huge.  I'm super pregnant and super huge.  And apparently everyone in the public knows it.  Also, apparently, an unfortunately large percentage of the public has 1) no filter, 2) no social intelligence, or 3) no concept of how to speak to a super huge pregnant woman.  I'm the kind of person who smiles and laughs at the comments because I don't want to embarrass anyone by pointing out how rude they are, but I also smile and laugh because I have a legitimate excuse for being a super huge pregnant woman: I've birthed two 10-pounders already and I've earned the right to look this way!  I usually tell people this factoid because it mollifies me to justify to the public why I'm as big as I am, but also because the shock value is funny.  The look on people's faces can be quite entertaining when they hear that I've had two 10-pounders already :)  But whether I have a justifiable reason for being so big or not, why do so many people assume it's okay to ask if I'm having twins?  (I cannot begin to tell you how often I'm asked that question.  I've been asked that question during every pregnancy, but never as much as I have this time, and it's unbelievable how often it's asked of me!)

at 37 weeks, over two weeks ago now

I don't mind the attention I receive because I'm pregnant.  I usually welcome it, even if the comments that are given in poor taste.  There are days when it's hard to be reminded how big I am because coping with the weight gain and absolute hugeness of being pregnant isn't always easy.  But most days I accept the fact that this is how my body does pregnancy: large enough to attract more attention than the average pregnant woman.

During my last two pregnancies I read a fabulous book entitled Creating With God by Sarah Jobe.  I highly recommend it.  I was reminded recently of a particular chapter called Redefining Attractive that came at just the right time during each of my last two pregnancies.  During each pregnancy a particularly hurtful remark was made regarding my size, which led me to tears each time, and shortly after these instances I found myself reading the chapter in this book about being attractive.  The fortuitous timing was a blessing from God each time, and it restored my self-esteem even while being a super huge pregnant woman.  Here's a short section from the chapter:

Pregnant women are attractive in that they draw others to themselves.  Pregnant bellies have a power to invite touch, to welcome stories, to open the possibility for relationship....Cultivating this kind of beauty means asking, "How can I better welcome those who are attracted to me?  How can I, like Jesus, invite their stories?  How can I, like Jesus, see the specific needs and joys of each person who comes?  How can I, like Jesus, bless the tummy-touchers and send them in peace, even when I feel almost crushed by the crowds?  How can I, like Jesus, know and rest in my own power to attract and to heal?  Pregnant women teach us that attraction is not primarily about how we look, but about how well we attract others to ourselves and how well we welcome them once they draw near.  (69-70)

I can testify that being pregnant attracts attention.  People are drawn to me, whether it's out of curiosity or shared excitement or plain shock.  How I respond to the well-wishers and the questioners and the gawkers has an effect, and I don't want to rebuff the person who says I'm the biggest pregnant woman she's ever seen, even though it's uncomely at best and downright rude at worst.  So instead of glaring or rolling my eyes or retorting with an equally rude comment about where she learned her manners, I smile and laugh and agree that yes, I know I'm huge.  Because it's true, and I know it just as well as the rest of the world does.  And smiling and laughing usually invites small conversation and hearing other people's stories.  And I think that's better than turning a cold shoulder to all the people who don't know how to keep their foot out of their mouth.

So yes, I'm a super huge pregnant woman and I get asked on a regular basis if I'm having twins (which I'm not) and I roll with it because it's better than being offended every time.  But just for the record, something TO say to a super huge pregnant woman would be: "You look beautiful!  Best of luck with everything!"  Even though I don't feel beautiful these days, it's always refreshing to hear someone say that I am, especially when said without hesitation.  You can't go wrong with a comment like that :)