Pull-Up Routine

Just doing a few reps before church :)  Goodness, I love these boys :)

Home to Michigan

Where is home?  What does it mean to be home?  These are questions we've asked ourselves many times as we think about our future in Africa and about the fact that we're making a choice for our children to live in Africa while being tied to America and trying to find themselves somewhere in the middle of the great expanse between the two.  Where is home?  It's an interesting, even difficult, question.

But let me back up.

It was a hard winter.  It was hard because Eli worked so much.  Too much.  And it was hard because the snow kept falling rather than melting when spring should have come.  Having nearly sole responsibility for taking care of our son while being stuck inside during an elongated winter was hard.  Just plain hard.

So I had some meltdowns along the way, the last of which scared Eli enough that he strongly suggested I should go home for a visit.  He bought me a plane ticket to Michigan so I could get away, take a break, and rest my mind a bit.  It was a wise decision.

There are few places that help me breathe easier than going home to Michigan.  My parents' house is quiet.  Peaceful.  Spacious.  Familiar.

It's home.

My parents' house is definitely still home to me.  Every place I've lived since high school has been a temporary home, some for short stretches of time and others for longer, but temporary all the same.  That means I've spent the past 12 years not planting roots, with no sign of doing so any time in the near future.  We'll move from Duluth in a couple years to live in Africa, not knowing how long we'll ultimately be there.  But living somewhere and planting roots are not the same thing.  Some places we've lived have left indelible marks in our life, and we expect our future abode in Africa to do the same.  But will it be home?  Perhaps.  Time will tell.

We are wanderers.  And we're assigning our children to wander with us, at least for awhile.  It's not a bad life; it's just a way of living in the ever-present temporary.  Quite frankly, it regularly reminds us that we are living a temporary existence here on earth, that we are never truly home here, that we are wanderers in the truest sense of the word until we can finally, by God's grace alone, find ourselves at home.

While Eli and I enjoy the wandering for now, and even firmly resist planting roots anywhere, there is a part of me that aches for a place to call home, that aches to have a place that will always be there waiting for us whenever we need to return from our travels and wanderings.  But there is no place like that for me, except maybe in Davison, Michigan.  It's still there.  Still quiet.  Still peaceful.  Still spacious.  Still familiar.

Still home.

It won't always be there, but it is for now.  And I'm thankful to find myself there from time to time, resting, enjoying, breathing, being.  And I'm thankful that, for a little while longer at least, it provides a place for me to call home while I don't have any other place to call by that name.  Perhaps I do it out of comfort to myself.  "Yes, I have a place to call home, even though I haven't lived there in 12 years."  But even if it's only done out of comfort to myself, that's enough.  Comfort is enough.  Especially when I have meltdowns because the winter was too long and too hard.  When that happens, it's nice to have the comfort of calling someplace home, then having a marvelously wonderful and loving husband who'll fly me there when I need to visit.

So to home I went, with Caleb in tow, of course :)  And we had a lovely time (minus his major napping drama, or should I say non-napping drama).  We played and played, visited with lots of family, and fed carrots to the horse.  I also had the joy of spending quality time with my best friend.  And all of this amazing time was spent without any snow on the ground!  It was the first time I hadn't seen snow since November.  No joke.  And it was such a welcome sight!

So it was a week well spent.  My burdens were lifted for awhile and I came back to Duluth with new strength to keep going.  I thank God for a husband who saw me in one of my darkest hours and who knew what I needed to bring me out of that hour and into the next, and who had the love and compassion to do what was necessary.

And I'm grateful for my parents, who get it.  They've been there and done that.  They survived residency 30 years ago with three kids.  I feel like a total wuss compared to them, but they have compassion for us and for this unique phase of life that few people can even hope to understand.  But it's wonderful to have people who understand, and my parents do.

And they didn't mind having a chance to see Caleb again either, even though it was a series of total meltdowns that led to our visit.

visiting Grandpa at work

churning butter

bringing carrots to Breaker

I suppose, in the end, it's our brokenness that ultimately makes us long for home.  It was my struggling in the pit of residency, trying to claw my way out but utterly failing, that led to my longing for home in Michigan, and it's certainly my brokenness and depravity and utter failure to overcome it that makes me long for heaven.  So where is home?  With Jesus in glory.  What does it mean to be home?  To not be broken anymore and to have the freedom to give up the struggle completely because we've finally made it there: Eternity.  Home.

And the Snow Came

I give up.  All my ranting and raving has not chased Old Man Winter away.  We woke up to this, so I lit the candles and turned on Christmas music.

snow drifts in our front yard

view from our back deck

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On an entirely unrelated note, yesterday I decided that we didn't have enough pictures of our boy's naked bum.  He enjoyed some naked time before a bath, so I snapped a few photos - you know, the kind we can showcase at his high school graduation party :)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, er, April...

Tell me if this picture looks particularly white to you:

This is the view from our back door.  It is currently snowing here in Duluth.  Again.  We're supposed to get 6-10 inches by tomorrow night.  This, on top of the two winter storms we've already had since Easter.  Easter!  We woke up to snow coming down on Easter morning and we moaned a bit, but thought surely it was a freak snowfall on the last day of March and that the sun would soon shine and melt all the white off the ground.  And then we had a major snowstorm the following week, which closed all the schools and turned off our power.  And then we had another snowstorm this week which closed the schools again and left us homebound for yet another day in April.  Suffice it to say, there has not been a single day in April 2013 in which the ground in Duluth has not been covered in white.  

It's beautiful, to be sure, but right now I'd take some good 'ol ugly brown grass with mud mixed in.  I'd take wet and sloppy sidewalks as the snowmelt runs down the hill toward Lake Superior.  I'd take mushy leaf piles that were soaking under the snow all winter long.  I'd take any sign that spring is finally on its way.  

Where, O Spring, Art Thou?  

Where, O Where, Hast Thou Been Hiding?  

Do Not Delay Your Triumphant Return Any Longer!  

We Invite You To Chase Winter To Its Den!

We Invite You To Melt The Snow With Your Sunny Blast!

We Welcome You With Open Arms!

Come, O Spring, Come!

The Best Toys in the World...

...are not toys at all.  I pulled the toy basket into the middle of the room, which made Caleb come over and promptly start pulling everything out so he could then crawl into the basket and just sit there and bounce.  He was entertained like this for quite awhile.

In general, this kid loves to crawl over, under, and through any space he can fit himself into.  And right now his favorite crawl space is under the table by the couch.  It's like his own secret hiding place, except that he's always in plain sight.  He loves to crawl under there and hang out with himself, tapping his spoon and playing with the vent.  Someday this kid will be really good at hide-and-seek, as soon as he figures out how to actually hide himself once he's found a small space in which to hide :)

Passport Photo

We went to the county auditor's office a few days ago to apply for Caleb's passport.  We're planning a trip to Canada this summer (think Calgary Stampede and Banff National Park!) and nowadays it's required to have a passport to travel across our northern border.  After three takes, this is the gem of a photo that will declare Caleb's identity to the world for the next five years:

Yep, when we move to Africa, this is what the customs agent will be looking at, trying to discern if the person in the photo is the person standing before him/her.  If Caleb goes through customs as smug as he looks in this photo, maybe he'll be recognizable.  At any rate, the best part of this whole thing is that those beautiful cheeks will now be memorialized for the next five years!

And guess what else?  Caleb is 11 months old today!  We can hardly believe we'll soon have a one-year-old on our hands.  We can also hardly believe how difficult it is to get this little man to sit still for more than two seconds in order to get a photo.  Hence the montage below :)  We finally got this shot and decided it's good enough for the baby book.

Our hearts continue to melt everyday :)

Home Again

We returned from Grand Marais last weekend, had one day to unpack and repack, then headed to the Twin Cities to spend a few days with friends and family, and now we're home again.  We've spent the last two days going through mail, paying bills, grocery shopping, doing laundry....all the exciting things that require attention when a family's been gone for a month!

Here are some highlights from the last couple weeks:

Caleb's current favorite toy is a plastic spoon.  Any plastic spoon will do.  He takes it with him everywhere.  If he's upset, we present him with the spoon and he instantly starts giggling.  Not sure what the lure is, but it's a cheap and simple toy, and if we lose/break it, we have the excuse to go back to McDonald's and order a chocolate shake :)

He also likes to stir with the plastic spoon.  He's made lots of "soup" in the last several weeks.

The Mama and the Papa, enjoying a sunny day on Lake Superior while the baby slept inside.

I spent time playing around with the manual setting on my camera.  I must confess that I don't do this enough because most of my photos are of a moving, wiggling kid who makes it difficult to find the right setting on my camera and then capture the moment before the moment is gone.  So I relished the chance to fiddle with the camera settings while focusing on stationary objects!

Our last hike before leaving town was along the Kadunce River and it was breathtaking.  The weather was warm (as far as winter goes), the river was echoing off the cliffside to our left, our son was happy as a clam, and I had another chance to play around with my camera.  It was good :)

Gosh, we love hiking.  LOVE IT!

We spent our first Easter as a family at home in Duluth.  Church was lovely, watching Caleb open his Easter basket was lovely, and lunch with friends while eating a delicious Easter spread was lovely.  Praise be to God for a beautiful day to celebrate His Risen Son and the atonement He offers through His sacrifice!

It's good to be home, but we are thankful for the last month and the time it allowed us to be together as a family.  It doesn't happen often enough during this phase of life, and this last month was a time of renewal for us, a time to strengthen us for the months ahead, and a time to remember how blessed we are despite how much we struggle with that blasted residency.